Tales of the Parodyverse

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J. Jonah Jerkson: posting a fragment that won't get completed for a bit
Wed Oct 04, 2006 at 07:29:30 am EDT
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The Baroness, Part 46a: UT tie-in
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The Baroness, Part 46a
A tie-in to Visionary, Maggie and Griffin’s return

"How dare they," snarled Baroness Elizabeth Zemo to a nearby mirror. "Taking MY apartment and giving it to those two brats! And Visionary's to boot!" Her mind wandered, as it had a tendency to do nowwdays. Does that make them possibly possibly fake? Possibly fake possibly? Possibly green possibly fake? Possibly fake green possibly? Whatever.

In ordinary times Elizabeth would have unleashed an exquisite revenge coupled with notable ferocity. In ordinary times, though, she wouldn't be bunking in the Lair Mansion as Citizen Z at all. Plausible deniability had to be the watchword this time. That required a new henchman, and, besides, Sally was still out on the West Coast on Hughie Pother's quest. Flapjack was the logical choice, but the after-action reports from the Faerie excursion indicated that he was too loyal to Visionary.

Sally had noticed that it was easy to tell if the Baroness was in high- scheme mode: she started singing under her breath. (It had also helped Sally win most of her poker games with her employer.) Thus, Sally would have known to leave the vicinity forthwith when Elizabeth began sub-vocalizing a full set of Schubert's < lieder > in the confines of the broom closet to which she had been "temporarily" assigned.

Amber St. Claire didn't have the benefit of Sally's observations. Thus, the Lair Legion's liaison was easily drawn in to the scheme when Citizen Z approached her in the mansion's exercise room for normals later that morning. After the opening pleasantries were disposed with, Citizen Z began her gambit.. "I was so happy to lend my quarters to Visionary's children, you know. But it was so fast, I didn"t have the chance to mention all of the anomalies I noted in there."

"Anomalies?" Amber asked politely.

"Nothing too strange, for those of us able to handle the Mansion," the disguised Baroness attempted an unconvincing nonchalance, "just a few old booby traps, the occasional trap door and that nest of infectious Zyborian beetles I wasn't able to eradicate."

Amber took a long sip of Evian from her bottle and re-applied herself to the overhead weights. "Lucky then that Liu Xi completely transformed the elements in the suite. Everything in there was better than vaporized and every spell or gateway was unraveled back to inert mana. Help me with that lock, would you? Thanks. Can't be too careful where Visionary’s kids are concerned, right?"

Behind her flamboyant mask. Citizen Z's face was ashen. "But, but, what about the secret . . . the Baro . . .the Lab . . . The Baro . . ."

"Something I should be concerned . . . Unh . . about?" Amber grunted.

"No, no, just a thing I had a thing for, nothing really. Really."

"Whoof! That burns!" Amber puffed. "But you were talking about a baro something, weren't you?"

Beth Zemo's mind went into hyperdrive. Not a baron! A barrel? Stupid! A bearing? Nonsensical! A bear? Bearskin rug? What is this -- Looney Tunes?

“Citizen Z, is something bothering you?"

She's suspicious! THINK! Berry bush? Aaack!

Amber frowned. "Maybe I should look into this. We don't want anything around that could endanger the children, after all."

NO! The 1812 Overture began playing, fortissimo complete with cannons, in Elizabeth' s consciousness, filling her with an almost irresistible impulse to hum along. Fighing it, the Baroness had a flash of inspiration. "Barometer? Barometer! There was a barometer., an antique barometer in there, that I needed, er, took a fancy to."

"Well, it's gone for good now," Amber St. Claire remarked. "Liu Xi was careful to relocate your things but anything else in there doesn't exist anymore."

I thought I got all of Uncle Heinrich Zemo's plans out of there. But who knows what else might have been hidden? Damn her!

"Citizen Z?" Amber inquired.

"Huh?"

"You were zoning out again."

"Er, a long night with Sir Mumphrey. I think I'll just stop by and thank Liu Xi for doing such a nice job for the children."

"That's sweet," Amber responded distractedly as she re applied herself to the weight machine. "Say hi for me."

< "Doch der Horizont erdunkelt, Ross und Reiter loesst sich los," > the Baroness sang involuntarily, sotto voce, as she stalked up the corridors toward Liu Xi’s quarters.

Playing the part of Baroness Elizabeth Zemo,

J. JONAH JERKSON
Voice of the People


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